on the journey...

actually, this isn’t a rule.  it’s a given.  no matter how much you have grown to hate each other, or want to wish eternal misery upon the other, there are things you DON’T do.  

you DO NOT use your ex girlfriend’s bank account to pay for your internet and cable and then NOT say anything.  long story short, i notice a charge on my statement that was obviously not authorized by me since i no longer utilize any of AT&T’s services.  try and figure out what is going on when they tell me payment was made via checking account and routing number.  the  very same information i gave to ex-boyfriend a couple weeks ago to get paid for a job i did for his work.  it all finally makes sense.  his phone is disconnected so i get a hold of him through others.  he claims it was an accident.  my information had been saved in the profile and he “accidentally” clicked it.  are you fucking kidding me?  we’ve been broken up for over 9 months and NEVER has he “accidentally” paid his bill with my shit before.  all of the sudden he had slippery fingers and zilch brain cells to realize what the fuck he was doing?  i think NOT.

the most appalling part of all of this is he had the BALLS to call me out.  he said he didn’t understand why i was making such a big deal out of this.  he had the loot and he’d pay me back.  he said it wasn’t a big deal, and life would be okay.  that i needed to chill out. 

this is what i think.  break ups are never rainbows and ice cream.  they fucking suck.  and usually one person feels more hurt than the other, and usually no one wants to take blame.  but in the end, you have to accept that it’s over.  you can either take the good with you, or the bad, or both, but you don’t continually fuck a person over after you have broken up.  at one point you loved one another, you shared good times, and it was great.  for those reasons alone you should NOT do some shady ass shit like that.

i’m taking this as a blessing in disguise.  it gave me the chance to see his true colors.  which sucks because i really did love and adore his ass.  but if he can do this to me because we’re no longer together, i’m beginning to realize i may have put him on a much higher pedestal than he deserved.

i’m kinda overwhelmed with the number of people that have decided to follow this tumblr especially since i don’t really utilize it anymore.. but i’m thinking maybe i should..

because i need to get this out, and for privacy issues i can not do so on my other tumblr.

life works in funny ways.

in chronological order:

1. reconnect with ex-boyfriend’s daughter.
2. ex-boyfriend asks daughter for my phone number because he needs a favor.
3. favor turns out to be a job that i’ve done before, and pasy incredibly well, so i take it.
4. ask for pay to be direct deposited.
5. does not happen.  instead pay is sent to ex-boyfriend who suggests meeting up for coffee and to do the “transaction”.
6. coffee turns out to be a weird not so double date with his friend and girlfriend at a cafe we used to frequent often. non double date turns into a weird walk down memory lane as ex-boyfriend continues to ask if i remember this and that.
7. after coffee, we all end up back at his place.  friend and girlfriend leave as soon as they get there.
8. left is me and ex-boyfriend, and a movie, biutiful.  fucking depressing movie if you ask me.
9.  during movie ex-boyfriend can not keep hands or legs or any other part of his body to himself.
10.  and then we fuck.

and here i am.

not exactly okay, but not exactly broken like i once was.

a lot of truths told… a little too late… and not enough to make any kind of change.

we once used to make love, and now all it is, is a fuck.

although this may be considered a bit of a back track… i’m going back to my original tumblr.. if you care enough to continue following me you can find me at jingerale.tumblr.com

i need some sort of entertainment.

i’m having a rough day.

can someone please entertain me?

my brain has been on vegas mode since monday.

i have a powerpoint presentation to finish by tomorrow, but instead, i’ve been watching itrevor youtube videos because he’s ridiculously adorable, and can dance up a storm. 

i did however, manage to wake up early enough to fit in a quick work out, and then would have been to work on time had i not missed my exit, and got lost in the process which resulted in being 30 minutes late to work.  life works in funny ways.

i also had a dream that i had a crazy ass poodle perm last night.

and.. i totally forgot i started this post a few hours ago, and am just now finishing it like 2 hours later.

yea, that’s where i’m at today.  all over the place.

a few months ago i met a guy at our usual spot.  i had no idea he had a girlfriend at the time, nor did he make it clear.  regardless, i’ve ran into him on numerous accounts, and he is at the same bar every weekend, sans girlfriend.  this past weekend, i get a phone call from a friend .  apparently, he had told his girlfriend, whom is actually now his ex-girlfriend about me, and told her that i had not only come onto him, and tried to kiss him several times, but that i also told him to leave his gf for me.  she then found out that we had mutual friends via facebook, and contacted the mutual friends to find out more about me.

for one, on our very first encounter, it is true, i did hit on him.  i don’t deny it.  he also bought me a drink, and asked what i was doing the next day.  however, last weekend when i ran into him again, i told him that had i known he had a girlfriend i would never have behaved the way i did, therefore, i offered an apology.  to which he responded, “no, that’s okay, i didn’t have a girlfriend at that time”.  not only that, i’ve ran into him over and over, and we’ve had conversations that extended beyond the simple flirty drunken banter. 

i’ve told him about stephen, he’s told me about the 9 year relationship he had been in etc etc etc.  that’s a lot of information to be disclosing to the girl that is all over him trying to steal him away from his girlfriend, when he wants nothing to do with me.  point is, he made me out to be this horrible home-wrecker, and i don’t really get much of a say at all.

if he really wanted nothing to do with me, he didn’t have to add me on facebook, or on another site the day after for that matter, and really he didn’t have to tell his girlfriend about me at all.  that’s where he fucked up.  i’m not saying he should lie to his girlfriend, but it just doesn’t make sense to tell her about me and how horrible i am just to add me on facebook and have her know about it.  point is, now he wants to know who the mutual friend is that talked to his gf, and is just being a flat out douche. 

the girlfriend is telling my friends that she thinks he may get crazy on me for the demise of their relationship, but i never told him to go and tell his girlfriend about me, or to add me, or anything else for that matter.  i do feel bad i continued talking to him knowing he had a girlfriend, but after the very first initial encounter, i have never crossed the line, and i feel i have kept it pretty friendly. 

i am trying really hard to not let this bother me, but it does.  this has happened to me before too.  joe had a live in girlfriend at the time, and told me they were on a break, therefore, she had moved into her parents for the time being.  next thing i know, i get a phone call, and he tells me he told his girlfriend about me, and how he wants to give “us” a try because he really thinks it can work, and had broken up with his girlfriend who in return moved out for good.  i NEVER asked him to do that, nor did i tell him i was interested and wanted us to give it a try.  i told him from the beginning that i was single, and had no ties or obligations to him or anyone, and wasn’t interested in anything.  he took this as a sign of me wanting to be with him (what the fuck?) and once again made me out to be a home-wrecker.  for weeks to follow i got multiple texts, and phone calls from him, crying, screaming, and calling me out and finally just had to change my number altogether.

i am not a shady person.  if i had a boyfriend, i would definitely be upset to find another girl trying to move in on him.  therefore, i would not do something like that.  but all the sudden, once again, i have been made out to be an incredible shady person who has no morals or boundaries.  i can take the heat when i’ve fucked up, and i’ll be the first one to fess up and take responsibility for my actions.  but when things like this, that are completely out of my control happen, i have no fucking clue how to handle it.

if it were really up to me, i’d meet up douchebag one on one, and tell him exactly how i feel.  possibly followed by a punch to his lying face, but it’s not up to me.  so instead, i’m stressing.  and upset, and just annoyed.

had lunch with the managers and vp today…. and now i feel guilty as hell….

who goes to ruth’s chris for lunch, dammit!

regardless, i had soup, and steak, and frites, and now my conscious will not leave me alone ;[

i will not eat until tomorrow afternoon.  maybe ;p

this diet is kicking my ass.

countine calories has totally consumed my life. 1200 a day.  UGHHH.

i’m grumpier than usual.

but it must be done.

vegas is right around the corner!

i have been listening to the ex-boyfriend’s song all day long.

as much as i want to hate his ass, i have to admit, he’s good at what he does.

if he were to ever get his shit together, and really go all in with his music again, i’d root for him from afar.  all undercover and shit.  cause, truth is i just can’t get myself to hate on him or his passion for music when he makes things that make me feel all bijiggity like this.  whatever that means.

point is, all feelings aside, i dig this song.

and i hope he continues making music, because if he doesn’t, he’ll be miserable. 

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck.